In the last month’s column it was concluded that parents and teachers have a vital role in making the children highly responsible citizens of the country.

Children are like plaster of Paris out of which we can make Maruti or monkey. It depends upon how we mould the plaster of Paris. The parents play an important role in moulding the character of and in the proper bringing up of the children. Children are like white sheet of canvas on which the parents have to paint a beautiful picture by using all the skills of an artist. Bringing up the children is a great art. All parents undoubtedly have great dreams about their children. Just dreaming is only a beginning and implementation of and the work that the parents have put in realising the said dreams, requires all the possible attention of and sacrifice by the parents.

Children have a tremendous faith in their parents and the child depends upon the parents for everything and to start with, the parents are its entire world. The child always thinks that its parents are the best in the world and has total faith in the goodness of its parents. There is an English poem. While describing the child and its inherent faith in its parents, the poet says:

"There are little eyes upon you

and they’re watching night and day

There are little ears that quickly

Take in every word you say

There are little hands all eager

to do anything you do;

And a little child who’s dreaming

of the day he will be like you.

You’re the little fellow’s idol;

As such, as the poet sings, for a child you are everything and whatever best in the world is represented by you and the real challenge before the parents is that the child’s belief that whatever is ideal, whatever is best is in its parents, must be continued to be held by the child even after it is grown up.

As seen above, parents have their own dreams about the child. These dreams must not only be dreamt by the parents but from Day One, all possible efforts must be made to see that these dreams become reality. In case of all parents, the common dream is that their children would grow up into essentially good and ideal human beings, who would be adored by all.

Now, as we have seen above, as you are a role model for the child, and as such you must make yourself a person who will really fit in the beliefs and expectations of the child about you. If you want your child to be an excellent human being by example, you have to become one. As the little child watches you day in and day out if he wants to imitate you and wants go step by step in the direction in which you are going, therefore, it becomes essential that you, by your behaviour, your living, your way of talking and each and every move of yours must be such, that it will create a ideal impression on the child and it will try to imbibe that ideal nature in itself. Whatever a child learns, it is retained by the child always. There is a saying in Kannada, that whatever is cultivated and learnt by a child, when it is of three years old that will be retained by it even when it reaches the age of 100 years. It is very true. As such, your ideal behaviour, ideal culture must be put into the child’s behaviour and that can be best done by a good example. Your behaviour must be such that your child will instinctly follow or imitate you. You must be careful in your behaviour when your child is around you. If you want your child to live an ideal and exemplary life and to imbibe and live upto your dreams, when it grows up, the basic requisite is that you yourself must live an ideal and exemplary life, which your child will certainly follow. Therefore, if the parents want to bring up their children as per their dreams, the first requisite of the parents is that they must act and behave and live their lives as per the dreams they have for their child. As said above, you must lead the child and you must take care of your conduct and behaviour, so that your child instinctively and without any hesitation follows your example. You must take care of your behaviour, your way of living, your thinking and your words and deeds must be such that they are worthy of being followed by your child.

In addition to having your own ideal culture, you have live as per your family culture. You must imbibe a family culture, which is evidenced before the eyes of the child. Real love and affection and show of family bondage would play a great role in moulding the character of the child. For a child, the home must be like heaven and every parent is bound by the obligation to see that an atmosphere of heaven prevails in the house where the child is being brought up. Essentially, there must be an understanding between the husband and wife. Whatever may be the difference of opinion between them the same should not affect their behaviour in the child’s presence. Unless there is a clear heavenly atmosphere at home the child cannot be brought up in an ideal way. The home must be like heaven. First of all, the parents must determine the goals that they intend to set up before the child and to achieve these goals they have to mould the character of the child. Therefore, after setting up the proper goals for bringing up the children, the parents have to create such an atmosphere at home by cultivating the best family culture that it is very conducive to cultivate and they must develop the best of the qualities in the child which are required to bring up the child as per your dreams, about the child.

As the children are very much attached to and very much dependant on the parents, as small children, the basic requirement from the parents is that they must spend sufficient time with the children. It is well said that the best gift, which the parents can give to the children, is the gift of time. In an ideal family, there is always some time which is meant for family gathering where all the members of the family meet to show the oneness of the family and to show how each and every member cares for each other and how the family is bound by a common thread of love and affection. One really cannot understand why the parents have to go to a club for the so-called relaxation by leaving the kids alone or with the servants?

As per the quotation given at the beginning of this part of Amrutwani a highly successful professional reflects, how much he would wish that somebody had told him that concern for family and shaping the children’s value have much more enduring meaning than the professional success. This is a clear reminder to all the professionals. Now for the professionals profession is everything, where they breathe profession, they drink profession and they eat profession and most of their best time of the life is spent as a professional, but one should really remember that a professional is first of all a family man and it is the family which is very much dependant upon him for his leadership, for his love and affection and for his playing an ideal role in the family and from whichever angle one considers, the family concern and the family welfare should be a major concern of every individual, particularly of a professional. What is the use of achieving all the success in the professional field and having tons of money, if it is at the cost of proper upbringing of your children and the happiness and welfare of your family ? As such, it must be always kept in mind that every individual’s first obligation is towards the family, towards the society and then towards humanity and those obligation must always be kept in mind when one is acting in the role of a professional. Before it becomes too late, one should realise that it is not at all worthwhile to achieve the all possible great succession in the professional line if it is at the cost of family happiness and future of your children. When you are the cause of the birth of your children it is your basic duty, your obligation that the child has to be brought up with utmost care and love and in a most healthy way to make the child an ideal member of the society.

Apart from giving time to your children, you must make special efforts to cultivate in the children all the best qualities that one believes in and which one would want the child to imbibe. Special efforts have to be made to create such an atmosphere, which is conducive for developing such ideal qualities in the child.

In a recent survey, a shocking report was given that in USA, the child as a rule spends 3/4 hours watching television and spends hardly 5/10 minutes in the company of the parents. This is all because of the so-called busy parents who have time for everything, but no time for their children. It should be the reverse. One should have some time to be with the family members and to have family gatherings where all the families sit together with common family bondage to cultivate and demonstrate the family unity and the family bondage reflecting the ideal family life.

The next thing in addition to devoting time to their children, parents must cultivate good reading habits among the children and have a treasure of books written by great authors of great individuals and the autobiographies of great human beings who have contributed to the development of human civilisation and of people who have lived the lives as models for other human beings. The child must be slowly made to cultivate the habit of reading the great books which are really a treasure house. All these great books contain the achievements of great people and by reading them one would be motivated to live like an ideal human being. These books would certainly inspire any person . As such, if the children are made to read these books, it would inspire them to cultivate the best of qualities required in an ideal human being. As such, next to gift of time, gift of good books kept in an ideal library would play a great role in moulding the character of children.

Today’s parents think that whatever is required for children is taught by teachers in the schools. It is a great fallacy. What is basically required to be taught, unfortunately is never taught in schools. This must be taught at home by the parents. It is well said that a mother is the first teacher of every child. As such, for proper teaching, proper bringing up of children, cultivation of the requisite qualities of a good human being and for imbibing the family culture in the child, the parents have to teach the children. The parents must tell them the stories, which have moral bearing, which give them great lessons and satisfy the curiosity of the children. The mother must teach her children through the medium of stories, telling about the life events of great heroes, of great human beings to inspire them to follow the footsteps of these great souls.